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                       I was wrong.  
                           What a fucking idiot I was to think I could do this!
                               How fucking stupid am I for even trying to beat this idiotic brain defect? Fuck. I should have been doing some art....I mean anything would be great right now.                                         Instead minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years have gone by and here I am. Still angry. Still sad. Still a nothing. Fuck you brain! Fucking traitor! 
                        And this is just a tiny slice of what is going on inside my head most days and nights. What I should really be saying inside is keep fighting it. Never let this beat you. Never give in to the dark thoughts. FIGHT!! FIGHT! FIGHT IT UNTIL IT IS ERADICATED!! Talk to someone! Do not try to beat it alone! Please get back to who you really are! Go and create something!! 
  • Listening to: Spotify
  • Reading: About Tesla
  • Watching: the leaves fall
  • Playing: not much
  • Eating: not much
  • Drinking: Coffee
How do I start this? I've been drawing since about 12 years old or so, I think. I love all types of art and sometimes I will tear up when I see a piece of artwork that is just gorgeous. For years I would practice and learn as hard as I could and suddenly just stop. I always assumed it was because I wasn't "Inspired" to draw. I was wrong. I've battling with depression for years. Looking back now I can see what was going on. Things got worse when my Mom passed away after years of battling cancer back in July. I'm not ashamed to admit that I feel like a broken and useless individual. And looking at what I've done with art didn't help. 
So now from the start of 2016 I have slowly got myself back to the drawing. I'm forcing myself to do this. I don't want to do anything but sleep all day and or disappear from everything. I refuse to let this beat me anymore!! My dream was to be an artist! I wanted to draw comics! Now all I want is to get better! I want to get to the point where I can create whatever I want! IF along the way I get paid to do what I have loved since a kid that would be great. IF I don't it will not break me. I will pass on whatever knowledge I have accumulated and teach my kids. No more failure. Fuck depression! 
  • Listening to: Spotify
  • Reading: Loomis and more!
  • Watching: Doctor WHO and Sherlock
  • Eating: Pizza
  • Drinking: Modelo

Home for over a week....

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 19, 2013, 11:02 AM
  • Listening to: All types of awesome music!
  • Reading: The Nerdist way and interwebby goddies!
  • Watching: Doctor WHO and How I met yo mama!
  • Eating: Healthier?
  • Drinking: Water........
So since I hurt myself at work I have had some time to draw and mess around with some coloring. Bought me some new copics and I finally got my light box that I have been wanting for over a year!! :D As soon as I can I will post up some of the goodies I have been messing around with. Also it has been nice showing my younger babies some things I have taught myself through the years.  My stuff is not even close to the awesomeness that gets posted here on DA by all you wonderful people but it feels good to be able to put pencil to paper again. I love art so much!

Where have I been??

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 6, 2013, 2:40 PM
  • Listening to: All types of awesome music!
  • Reading: The Nerdist way and interwebby goddies!
  • Watching: Doctor WHO and How I met yo mama!
  • Eating: Healthier?
  • Drinking: Water........
Working overnight, doing my Mr. Mom impersonation and getting healthy has all contributed to me not drawing. Yeah I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit excuses but I was in a very bad depressive state of mind too. Too many times I have abandoned my one true love (corny I know) and it hurts. Almost get teary-eyed thinking how good I could possibly be by now if I'd just ignore everything and work on art! That sounds selfish so that is also why I fall away from this. Soon I believe I will be able to focus on this and I will attempt to get commissions and all that fun stuff but right now it is just a slow crawl.

Nothing but LOVE.......

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 23, 2012, 7:53 AM
  • Listening to: My 3yr old and pug Oz snoring. lol.
  • Reading: Links and links of news and looking up DA artists
  • Watching: Big Bang and Batman tas!?
  • Eating: Whatevers clever yo!
  • Drinking: Water, juice and more water and some beer!
I love art.
Simple as that, right? Not really.
I have been drawing off and on since I was in 8th grade.......I think! lol. I am 34 and my 14yr old daughter and my 8yr old daughter are both drawing. My oldest can draw and paint. She draws faces way better than her OLD man ever has! :D I love that so much. I don't know what I would do without the ability to draw at all. It calms me. I keeps me young at heart. Every single day (whenever I actually get her on DA) I see something amazingly awesome!! I have been doing my best "Rocky" training with my art. An hour here or a few minutes there but I am loving it. I carry my massive sketch book to work and get something in at break every night. I'm actually enjoying coloring! lol! Always hated it and feared it. Inking on the other hand is a pain in the ass!! :P
I hope whoever reads this understands that no matter what.......YOU have to love that you have the ability to draw and create!!








Keep drawing and never ever give in to doubt. Make it your bitch and laugh at it. :P

Still here...

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 24, 2012, 7:37 AM
  • Listening to: My 3yr old "Daddy! Daddy! I pee! I pee!"
  • Reading: Links and links of news
  • Watching: Big Bang and Batman tas!?
  • Eating: Soft foods!?
  • Drinking: Water, juice and more water
I really enjoy making things. I love cooking and drawing. I wish I had the time to really invest myself in both things. *shrugs shoulders* I haven't posted a thing here due to not having much time but I have continued to sketch my butt off. It's nothing worth posting but I hope to have something soon. Currently dealing with Strep throat and a 3yr old who I am potty training who btw has strep too. o.O Yeah that is how things have gone the last few month's. One step forward right into a trap! lol. No worries. Thanks to anyone here who has ever favorited my art and or offered me awesome advice! Y'all rock!! :)

It's been a month now

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 7, 2011, 10:08 AM
  • Listening to: Bills yelling at me!?
  • Reading: News about everything
  • Watching: Big Bang
  • Eating: Not so much
  • Drinking: Water, juice
I'm still sketching but no solid or finished ideas with that said I hope all of you are having a ball and craeting wonderful things.

I haven't  been able to make enough time to get here much lately. I hate that but it is what it is for now. I prolly won't be here much after this either. Work and bills AND holidays have consumed me. No excuses just being honest. I hope one day I can make something out of this art one day but for now I have obligations to my babies. I want to make this a good Christmas for them. I hope to see you all soon. Godspeed and DON'T STOP DRAWING! =)

HATE being sick!!!!

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 5, 2011, 8:42 AM
  • Listening to: Bills yelling at me!?
  • Reading: News about everything
  • Watching: Trying to catch up on football!?
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: soup
  • Drinking: Water, juice
Just trying to type this is a lot of work. lol. Sick since Saturday night. Some sketches done but just horrible looking. As soon as I can stand sitting up I will check back here and get some booty babes drawn! lol. I'm out.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Mon Sep 26, 2011, 1:12 PM
  • Listening to: Bills yelling at me!?
  • Reading: National Geographic
  • Watching: Trying to catch up on football!?
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: PIZZA!!
  • Drinking: Water, Dr. Pepper and beer!
Have not been here for a while now. Ugh. Work, being sick, allergies and bills have stunted my drawing a little lately. It was NOT a productive week in terms of drawing at all. I did get some more color practice in but not much else. Also ruined (in my opinion) my Wonder Woman piece and now must ghetto light box it and still make it work somehow. =/ Alrighty now lets get this week started right (after some chores) and get some work done! lol. Have a great one yo!

KEEP PUSHING AHEAD!

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 14, 2011, 7:19 AM
  • Listening to: DJ Cesar Perez
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: Something edible
  • Drinking: Water
I've been able to bang out a sketch a day/night so far I typed up a journal entry here. Have not scanned them all due to time on my PC. Wife is going to school and so are my other babes so time on here is limited. I bought myself a new sketchbook and got my first "block" only because I couldn't decide what to sketch in it first. lol. Took me a few but I started a sketch and will be inking it and coloring it. My own personal intro. lol. I hope all is well with everyone here! =)

WOOOOT!!!

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 3, 2011, 6:04 PM
  • Listening to: Cesar Perez mixes
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: PIZZA!!
  • Drinking: Diet Coke
Picked up my very first Copic multi liner pens and a few markers!!! There is a Blick store about 30 minutes away and I hope I can start building my collection very soon! I've got a bunch of undone pics I'm working on but my fave so far is my new Wonder Woman pic! It's sort of a redo of my Wonder Woman Warrior pic. =) Time has not been on my side since my vacation ended but I keep making time for sketching out ideas. I hope everyone here is having a grand Saturday!!!

Weekend was a blur!!!

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 29, 2011, 12:34 PM
  • Listening to: Cesar Perez mixes
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix/Dexter
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: breakfast
  • Drinking: Water/Horchata
So I've been off for about 2 days, I think!? I work overnight and am a proud papa of 4 girls and a pug so time has been crunched as of late. I'm almost done inking Power Girl so I can't wait to post that. =) Sunday I got toasted a bit while hanging out with a old friend "Sayzon" and his 2 adorable kids. FUN was had! BEER, RED DEAD and a little Mortal Kombat! lol.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 25, 2011, 5:54 AM
  • Listening to: Cesar Perez mixes
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix/Dexter
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: breakfast
  • Drinking: Water/Horchata


Allergies, kids going back to school and my return to overnight work after vacation has been a bad combo. Good news is that I got a model (Stephanie Caicedo) asking if I was still gonna draw her. lol. I wanna do a great job on it for myself so I have been sketching out ideas and her face and so far so good. I hope everyone here is having a wonderful week so far. =)

Loooooon day....

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 18, 2011, 5:55 PM
  • Listening to: Tron soundtrack/Mumford and sons
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix/Dexter
  • Playing: No games due to Red ring of death
  • Eating: DiNico's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water/Corona


Having 4 kids has been a challenge. Had a nice drive with the kids and got my oil changed. Stopped at Gamestop (2 year old tantrum prevented that from lasting too long) and got some tasty DiNico's pizza and got hit on. lol. I love them SO much and can't see me without them. *thinks for a sec* But I sure could use a break and a drink right about now. lol. My little terrible 2 angel has more energy then any battery known to mankind. O_O I've learned a lot this week so far. One thing I learned is that I'm not as bad as I thought I was at this drawing thing. I'm pretty good with some practice. lol. Okay time for some sketching. =)

HELL YEAH!!

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 17, 2011, 6:56 PM
  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water
My gallery

Today marked the first  time since December 13, 2010 that I had 30 whole views on my page!! I am so happy! =) That makes me a big DORK  but thats okay  with me. lol. I'm just having a blast seeing all this wonderful art here on DA and loving every second of it. Now? Back to drawing. =)

Journal skin by :dashyl4i4ik:

Life as I know it

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 15, 2011, 3:42 PM
  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water
My gallery

I am 33 years old and I am a father of 4 beautiful girls. I have been drawing since I was in 6th grade. Drawing for me started out as a competitive thing. I wanted to be cool so I copied art from comics. From that time until about 4 years ago I didn't really know much about drawing. My wife (most blunt critic) and many good people I met on Frank Cho's Message board and at Cons helped me a lot. My only obstacle was time. THAT has been my problem. Finding 4-5 hours of practice time every day has never been easy. My progress has been slow but I've never been discouraged. Will I ever be a pro?? Prolly not but I will teach my kids everything I know and watch them become what I couldn't, A pro artist or some type of artistic career. My oldest has shown SO much already in terms of being able to do pencil work and paint. I'm so proud of her. Her name is Cielo Estrella. She is my inspiration and a great daughter and friend. I hope my 3 other girls see how hard she works and try their best to do the same.

Journal skin by :dashyl4i4ik:

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 9, 2011, 6:27 PM
  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water


Finished the Dean pic and now working on my own Wonder Woman (again) Ivy and Swampy, Thor (female), Ivy again. lol.

photo


This feels awesome!

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 4, 2011, 4:58 PM
  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water


Swampy and Ivy are coming along slowly, Dean Cain ALMOST done, Angelina getting better and I started another Ivy! Yay!! lol.

photo


  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water
3 projects. Not commissions. This will hopefully lead to me finally getting my my head out of my rear end! Angelina Jolie with a thicker body, Dean Cain half naked and Swamp Thing with Poison Ivy all being worked on right now.
  • Listening to: Coldplay/Sinatra
  • Reading: Whatever I can!
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Red Dead
  • Eating: Paisan's pizza
  • Drinking: RC/water
Feeling very odd and out of place. I'm doing something I have not done on a regular basis in at least 5 years. Smh. I have 4 beautiful girls and they are more than a handful. I work overnight and my wife is studying to be a nurse. Yeah my plate is full. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses so I'm back in this again and I don't want to stop. I love drawing. I started when I was in 6th or 7th grade. I have done my best at showing my 13yr old how to draw and soon my 6yr old will learn too. I don't see myself as talented. I just work at it real hard and I don't quit very easily. I hope this keeps up and I can keep improving. Keep on swimming. =)